Two months. I feel ashamed. I cannot blame myself and I won’t, it’s been hard and I will admit plainly that I am at the edge of my sanity. A new year, 2010, the Olympics are here, things are supposed to look up and I want to feel that enlightenment, feel the ecstatic bubblyness of glee and excitement of beginning a new year of promises.
I feel tainted, always at the back of my mind there is a worry. I feel like 2010 is going to have it’s major ups, but with a side of bitterness to it. SEEDS, a self employment program, has accepted me in to there 48 week program. On the negative, I do not start until mid March, having to cancel my three week US ‘tour’ to visit photographers.
I feel alone, but crowded. Ecstatic, but bitterness. I am stuck, like I am walking through mud, the goal always out of reach and all I need to do is punch through.
I cannot promise my sarcastic witty funny personality through this blog. I cannot promise you that all my posts will be positive. To be the bubbling positive; portrait and wedding photographers seem to be. I will promise you to be raw; to show my struggles, my thoughts, my complaints – the happiness, the sad. To be brutally honest and not wait till ‘something sugary and nice happens’ or ‘the next awesome photos’ to blog. So you can see the person behind the computer as I face my most struggling year ever.
Heathermulhollandblog.com is no longer on wordpress, it is now on fotojournal. I tried, but wasn’t able to customize it just as I wanted. I’m stripping away the brand and business expectation – the blog in it’s raw format.
There’s a distinct personality in the portrait photography business around me and I don’t fit it. Bubbly, girly, religious, positive the list goes on and I’m far from that. I’m a hardcore gamer, pessimistic, tattoo wearer, and I swear quite frequently when I’m by myself. I’m breaking out of my constrains I put on myself – I’m just being me.
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I love this heather! I think what makes portrait and wedding photographers successful is not being girly, bubble, religious, or positive, although most are, but I think its being genuine, unique, and letting people know when you are having a bad day. Personally I love hearing about your new games, tattoos,etc. Very refreshing. and funny. :) And P.S. I love the new design. Who is your fab designer? ;)
You know what? I don’t really fit the wedding/portrait photographer stereotype either.. I’m not super duper bubbly and happy things don’t constantly go through my head. Reading this gives me the strength to go forth and really be who I am on my blog! I’ll be here with you as you go through the year – it may be hard but it’ll be worth it.
I’m so proud of you. :) I love the new look! Heather, you are going to do awesome things. Seriously. Luv ya!
Heather- I don’t know how I missed your blog launch. Seriously. I just found this today and had to go to the beginning to see everything you’ve posted so far. I enjoy your writing, your images are beautiful and I am so glad to read this post. I’ve noticed that as well- the girly, bubbly, religious, positive thing. Which I am so not either. So- welcome to the other side! LOL. We can cheer each other on in a non-girly way. ha!